I just have to give credit where credit is due. Below, in a bright yellow color, is a quote in its entirety from Bushwacks' Blog, and I was profoundly amazed by the utter (pun intended) truth in black & white, as well as the amount of laughter resonating from my body as I reviewed this skillful writing. I only hope as I continue to enhance my blogging skill (still quite novice), I'll engender this ability to interface wit and provide the reader with amusement while stating the obvious. Thank you Bushwack. I am renewed with new creative blogging juices. HCL
Three Things to Ponder:
March 5th, 2008 . by Bushwack
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
C O W S
Is it just me, or does anyone else find itamazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a singlecow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleptin the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. Butthey are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around ourcountry. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N
They keep talking about drafting a Constitutionfor Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of reallysmart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.
T H E 1 0 ; C O M M A N D M E N T S
The real reason that we can’t have the TenCommandments posted in a courthouse is this:You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ ‘ThouShalt Not Commit Adultery,’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full oflawyers, judges and politicians…It creates a hostile work environment.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
There is NO such thing as Constructive Criticism
Dr. David Stoop was the guest on the HomeWord radiocast I listened to on the way to work today. He is the author of Better than Ever, one of the newest books he’s written. He is the founder of Center for Family Therapy in California. From the information on that radiocast interview alone, I’d recommend this book. As many of you who know, Ablur (his web alias), who is my husband, wrote an article on his blog about tying knots in the marriage relationship. We have a strong opinion about the ability to communicate as a couple, and to make the foundation of your relationship solid, as tight as a bunch of Boy Scout-ready knots. We have this on pretty good authority given just shy of 16 years of marriage come this May.
FINALLY, after years of arguing this myself, I’ve heard from someone else one of the sentences that I’ve felt should be engraved in any solid communication text: “There is no such thing as constructive criticism." I have thought this many times, while growing up, as a new employee, and even as a parent, dealing with the various people that I face in these environments. From the time I was very young, I was taught “it is important to accept constructive criticism." What I never understood was how someone else, who is telling me something about my own behavior, attitude, or abilities can help me move forward and succeed—no further discussion-when my self-esteem plummets just knowing that there is negative response to my careful, conscientious efforts. I still struggle to find ways to beneficially inform others of certain actions, responses, or attitudes which don’t fit the norm expected (usually by my standards).
Today, I have heard the words from an authority, Dr. David Stoop, stating “There is no such thing as constructive criticism.” Regarding criticism, Dr. Stoop stated,
Dr. David Stoop goes on to tell you about the “Eight Cow Wife” story, [paraphrased]. Apparently a true story in the South Pacific—where the going rate was 1-2 cows for a wife. However, this particular husband paid 8 cows for his plain, ordinary-looking wife. Many years later, she turned out to be one of the most elegant, beautiful women around. When the husband was asked later how he knew to pay that much for her, he said “I didn’t know, but I paid 8 cows for her, and she lived up to that.” This is the attitude that we need to have continually, first in our marriages, in our families, our relationships around us, and even daily in our workplace.
Another part of this radiocast talked about husbands as the leader in the home, with a new twist. Dr. Stoop said (again paraphrased) that when you talk about the role of the husband in the home as leader; many men don’t know how to deal with this. He explains that while submission (of the wife) can be very powerful in the home, in fact, the man in the marriage and home “sets the pace.” He creates the environment in the marriage, in the home and in the relationship.
Now, having been in Christian circles all my life, that is not the general consensus—usually it is considered that the woman is the pace setter. However, through Dr Stoop’s observations as a therapist and experience as a Christian husband, he was led to realize that when the wives do criticize their spouse, it is because they are frustrated, and often because the husband isn’t doing anything. The husband’s inaction, or passive antagonism, sets the pace. Or, a husband can set the pace with goodness, love, and growth. His conclusion is that while the wife is often the one taking daily steps to manage the home, it is the husband that truly determines the atmosphere in the home, and he is doing that no matter what—it’s automatic just by his actions (or inactions).
Dr. Stoop sometimes asks husbands when counseling, “Do you know how to prioritize at work, how to strategize, how to deal with conflicts at work?” Of course, most men immediately say yes. He goes on to say that men have all the skills to make a great marriage; they just have to transfer that to the home. It doesn’t require you to be an executive; you can run a production line in manufacturing, but you are still prioritizing, strategizing, and dealing with conflict in the workplace.
Now, these days, this same line of questioning can be posed to women who work outside the home (I’m one of those) and they also prioritize and plan effectively in their job, but come home too exhausted to .... For example, planning a simple satisfying meal for the family; yes, that’s a personal example of what I have had to overcome to prioritize and focus on my loved ones: they are the reason I work.
Food for Thought for either spouse:
What have you done today to focus away from “constructive criticism” and truly grow with your spouse? Do you focus on what you can’t figure out, or are frustrated with their actions or inactions? Is there something you could focus on that would positively encourage your spouse to respond in kind? A simple tender touch or a firm, meaningful “I Love You” can do it.
Take time to read a web page or watch a TV show together. Maybe do like Ablur & I and simply go grocery shopping together. Or, as I do for him, spend an hour in your husband’s favorite tool shop, letting him browse, and tell you all about the tools he does/doesn't have. While it may not seem exciting at the time, knowing more about your spouse's interest, and a thing or too about some of those funny looking tools can be quite valuable. It doesn’t have to be big; and it CAN fit within your daily to dos, and still win the heart of your loved one. Do unto others…. Wow, are we back to the golden rule again?
Now, for the men: To avoid constructive criticism, being a woman, and focusing on the positive, “What strategies can you implement that will ensure you participate in actions within the home which strengthens your relationship with your wife, and builds up your family?”
“How can you show your family that although you are a bread winner and must keep a roof over their heads and food on the table, your 1st love is them, not the job?”
Again, the ideas are endless, and often quite simple. Put on your to do list, right next to “fill out the report for my boss”, “take my wife’s car in for an oil change”. Or “look at that door knob that she thinks is loose on the patio”. Those are actions, and as has already been stated so simply over and over in many cultures, "LOVE is an active verb.”
Let’s replace “destructive” criticism with active love and analyze the many positive things that happen day-to-day as a result of being married to your most precious human in the universe. I have a running list already I need to do to build up my spouse, even tasks I’m slated to do this week.
It’s a choice, it isn’t easy, and it isn’t going to be perfect every time. However, the first step is simple: Try. Enjoy the passion you will experience as a result of your loving actions.
FINALLY, after years of arguing this myself, I’ve heard from someone else one of the sentences that I’ve felt should be engraved in any solid communication text: “There is no such thing as constructive criticism." I have thought this many times, while growing up, as a new employee, and even as a parent, dealing with the various people that I face in these environments. From the time I was very young, I was taught “it is important to accept constructive criticism." What I never understood was how someone else, who is telling me something about my own behavior, attitude, or abilities can help me move forward and succeed—no further discussion-when my self-esteem plummets just knowing that there is negative response to my careful, conscientious efforts. I still struggle to find ways to beneficially inform others of certain actions, responses, or attitudes which don’t fit the norm expected (usually by my standards).
Today, I have heard the words from an authority, Dr. David Stoop, stating “There is no such thing as constructive criticism.” Regarding criticism, Dr. Stoop stated,
It is not the sender who can say that wasn’t criticism; it is the receiver who says, “That felt like criticism.” If there is defensiveness, there was criticism. Criticism is an attack, an attack on my behavior and however well-meaning you are, it never works. There is no such thing as constructive criticism.We are human; so analysis (a nifty synonym by Webster comparison) will happen. We need to learn to focus on ways to explain our “analysis” in a positive way that builds up the other person, so growth can occur naturally. Will we never criticize? No, that isn’t possible as humans.
Dr. David Stoop goes on to tell you about the “Eight Cow Wife” story, [paraphrased]. Apparently a true story in the South Pacific—where the going rate was 1-2 cows for a wife. However, this particular husband paid 8 cows for his plain, ordinary-looking wife. Many years later, she turned out to be one of the most elegant, beautiful women around. When the husband was asked later how he knew to pay that much for her, he said “I didn’t know, but I paid 8 cows for her, and she lived up to that.” This is the attitude that we need to have continually, first in our marriages, in our families, our relationships around us, and even daily in our workplace.
Another part of this radiocast talked about husbands as the leader in the home, with a new twist. Dr. Stoop said (again paraphrased) that when you talk about the role of the husband in the home as leader; many men don’t know how to deal with this. He explains that while submission (of the wife) can be very powerful in the home, in fact, the man in the marriage and home “sets the pace.” He creates the environment in the marriage, in the home and in the relationship.
Now, having been in Christian circles all my life, that is not the general consensus—usually it is considered that the woman is the pace setter. However, through Dr Stoop’s observations as a therapist and experience as a Christian husband, he was led to realize that when the wives do criticize their spouse, it is because they are frustrated, and often because the husband isn’t doing anything. The husband’s inaction, or passive antagonism, sets the pace. Or, a husband can set the pace with goodness, love, and growth. His conclusion is that while the wife is often the one taking daily steps to manage the home, it is the husband that truly determines the atmosphere in the home, and he is doing that no matter what—it’s automatic just by his actions (or inactions).
Dr. Stoop sometimes asks husbands when counseling, “Do you know how to prioritize at work, how to strategize, how to deal with conflicts at work?” Of course, most men immediately say yes. He goes on to say that men have all the skills to make a great marriage; they just have to transfer that to the home. It doesn’t require you to be an executive; you can run a production line in manufacturing, but you are still prioritizing, strategizing, and dealing with conflict in the workplace.
Now, these days, this same line of questioning can be posed to women who work outside the home (I’m one of those) and they also prioritize and plan effectively in their job, but come home too exhausted to .... For example, planning a simple satisfying meal for the family; yes, that’s a personal example of what I have had to overcome to prioritize and focus on my loved ones: they are the reason I work.
Food for Thought for either spouse:
What have you done today to focus away from “constructive criticism” and truly grow with your spouse? Do you focus on what you can’t figure out, or are frustrated with their actions or inactions? Is there something you could focus on that would positively encourage your spouse to respond in kind? A simple tender touch or a firm, meaningful “I Love You” can do it.
Take time to read a web page or watch a TV show together. Maybe do like Ablur & I and simply go grocery shopping together. Or, as I do for him, spend an hour in your husband’s favorite tool shop, letting him browse, and tell you all about the tools he does/doesn't have. While it may not seem exciting at the time, knowing more about your spouse's interest, and a thing or too about some of those funny looking tools can be quite valuable. It doesn’t have to be big; and it CAN fit within your daily to dos, and still win the heart of your loved one. Do unto others…. Wow, are we back to the golden rule again?
Now, for the men: To avoid constructive criticism, being a woman, and focusing on the positive, “What strategies can you implement that will ensure you participate in actions within the home which strengthens your relationship with your wife, and builds up your family?”
“How can you show your family that although you are a bread winner and must keep a roof over their heads and food on the table, your 1st love is them, not the job?”
Again, the ideas are endless, and often quite simple. Put on your to do list, right next to “fill out the report for my boss”, “take my wife’s car in for an oil change”. Or “look at that door knob that she thinks is loose on the patio”. Those are actions, and as has already been stated so simply over and over in many cultures, "LOVE is an active verb.”
Let’s replace “destructive” criticism with active love and analyze the many positive things that happen day-to-day as a result of being married to your most precious human in the universe. I have a running list already I need to do to build up my spouse, even tasks I’m slated to do this week.
It’s a choice, it isn’t easy, and it isn’t going to be perfect every time. However, the first step is simple: Try. Enjoy the passion you will experience as a result of your loving actions.
Friday, March 7, 2008
To Laugh, Or Not to Laugh
I listened to the Georgene Rice show on KPDQ 93.9 today. It was Fun Friday, and she had me laughing about a few things. For example, she was discussing the media coverage on the Hollywood film and production strikes occurring (or imminent—I didn’t catch the details), and the discussion came up that at some point this Spring, there might be no further films produced in the Hollywood sector. She said (paraphrase--not an exact quote—she actually said it better than me), “…you mean Americans might have no new shows or movies to watch?! People might actually have to play outside [furrowed brow], or even actually take in the current political climate? Perhaps one will have to think through an idea from beginning to the logical conclusion? [aghast sigh]."
It was a breath of fresh air, after I chuckled, having heard this same concern mulled over and over on the American Conservative Forum. The underlying frustration that active conservative Americans face: many fellow Americans spend so much time attached at the hip to the remote, staring at the TV screen or computer monitor, they have no idea how to engender a thought or analyze the current events affecting their lives. So much so, that I must tell about a couple other news items Georgene mused about, which exemplify this mindless wandering we are herded into day-by-day.
Somewhere in the eastern side of the United States recently, a boy was celebrating his 9th birthday at his local Chuck E. Cheese. His mom ruined his celebration when she got in a physical brawl with another mother, after an accusation that one boy was hogging the arcade. The absurdity is that those 2 women are facing a future court date for simple assault & battery, and all because the arcade machine wasn’t free for the birthday boy. What sort of example of maturity was demonstrated for those boys at the party?
In another part of the world, two young men recently started a website “selling” reservations to heaven. Complete with a basic package and the VIP tour, small price attachments were assigned, and the website was born in hopes sorry, mindless creatures would think that their fate rested in a decision to reserve a spot in heaven. Now, in extremely small print, they acknowledge their total lack of authority to sell, reserve, promise, or claim anything about heaven, yet decided this “gag” was a possible money-making scheme. When one pastor commented on this web site the risk they were taking eternally considering the alternative, the boys’ indifferent attitudes were channeled into creating their next website, to “sell” reservations to hell.
If you finished shaking your head, and laughing at the absurdity of all this, start praying. Then, next time you peruse the web for intelligent, thought-provoking, conservative Christian websites or blogs, here are a few I highly recommend (in addition to mine). Feel free to add comments with your own favorites.
Some Things Just Need to be Said
The Kottmans
Clear Evidence
HomeWord
Enjoy!
It was a breath of fresh air, after I chuckled, having heard this same concern mulled over and over on the American Conservative Forum. The underlying frustration that active conservative Americans face: many fellow Americans spend so much time attached at the hip to the remote, staring at the TV screen or computer monitor, they have no idea how to engender a thought or analyze the current events affecting their lives. So much so, that I must tell about a couple other news items Georgene mused about, which exemplify this mindless wandering we are herded into day-by-day.
Somewhere in the eastern side of the United States recently, a boy was celebrating his 9th birthday at his local Chuck E. Cheese. His mom ruined his celebration when she got in a physical brawl with another mother, after an accusation that one boy was hogging the arcade. The absurdity is that those 2 women are facing a future court date for simple assault & battery, and all because the arcade machine wasn’t free for the birthday boy. What sort of example of maturity was demonstrated for those boys at the party?
In another part of the world, two young men recently started a website “selling” reservations to heaven. Complete with a basic package and the VIP tour, small price attachments were assigned, and the website was born in hopes sorry, mindless creatures would think that their fate rested in a decision to reserve a spot in heaven. Now, in extremely small print, they acknowledge their total lack of authority to sell, reserve, promise, or claim anything about heaven, yet decided this “gag” was a possible money-making scheme. When one pastor commented on this web site the risk they were taking eternally considering the alternative, the boys’ indifferent attitudes were channeled into creating their next website, to “sell” reservations to hell.
If you finished shaking your head, and laughing at the absurdity of all this, start praying. Then, next time you peruse the web for intelligent, thought-provoking, conservative Christian websites or blogs, here are a few I highly recommend (in addition to mine). Feel free to add comments with your own favorites.
Some Things Just Need to be Said
The Kottmans
Clear Evidence
HomeWord
Enjoy!
Mulling over Management
Did you ever get fascinated watching a hamster racing inside a play wheel? When I was a child, during one extremely short experience as a hamster owner, I was often mesmerized by the little fluffy fella. Seemed like he could go on forever, but never getting any place, and never looking or acting any different afterward. If I were to go on a treadmill comparatively fast, I’d be winded, red faced, hot, sweaty, and basically exhausted. Yet, I’m invigorated, and after a few recuperative minutes, I’m energetic and ready to face my next challenge.
After that hamster gets done, he waddles off of the wheel, heads over to his feeding spot, and then takes a dump (slang, but applicable here), and curls up in the soft straw bedding to snooze. The little hamster looks, acts and is totally oblivious after working that hard.
Now, believe it or not, I originally came up with the idea to write this article this morning while listening on the radio to some story about the extremely slow motion of bureaucracy. In my mind’s eye, I thought of a wagon wheel, with the various spokes. No matter how fast or slow the wheel turns, the stokes just keep going round and round. If it weren’t for the efforts of the rest of the vehicle (wagon, bike, etc) and the driver, nothing would get accomplished. Then, I thought of other senseless round and round motions, and the hamster wheel thought took hold. They aren’t really related, but if you stretch it, they are pretty descriptive of management, anywhere you look.
That’s what working in management is like sometimes. My spouse has been dealing with this at work. He’s middle management currently, and so gets “it” from above and below. He comes home some nights, and I see the exhausted, defeated look, saying in essence, “What was I doing the past 10 hours?” Other days there is a glimmer of hope, and he tells me about an accomplishment, usually in the form of baby steps. Even so, invigorating energy oozes out, and he’s ready to plough into the next work day.
Why is it, that no matter the determination of the superiors or subordinates, or management momentum, things just move in circles? Whether slow or fast paced, actions are like spokes, around and around, and around yet little takes place. Are hamsters the mascot for bureaucracy?
It’s just an interesting phenomenon and I felt like posting on it. I didn’t come up to any fancy conclusions, or resolutions--just statements. But then again, it’s just another spoke in life.
After that hamster gets done, he waddles off of the wheel, heads over to his feeding spot, and then takes a dump (slang, but applicable here), and curls up in the soft straw bedding to snooze. The little hamster looks, acts and is totally oblivious after working that hard.
Now, believe it or not, I originally came up with the idea to write this article this morning while listening on the radio to some story about the extremely slow motion of bureaucracy. In my mind’s eye, I thought of a wagon wheel, with the various spokes. No matter how fast or slow the wheel turns, the stokes just keep going round and round. If it weren’t for the efforts of the rest of the vehicle (wagon, bike, etc) and the driver, nothing would get accomplished. Then, I thought of other senseless round and round motions, and the hamster wheel thought took hold. They aren’t really related, but if you stretch it, they are pretty descriptive of management, anywhere you look.
That’s what working in management is like sometimes. My spouse has been dealing with this at work. He’s middle management currently, and so gets “it” from above and below. He comes home some nights, and I see the exhausted, defeated look, saying in essence, “What was I doing the past 10 hours?” Other days there is a glimmer of hope, and he tells me about an accomplishment, usually in the form of baby steps. Even so, invigorating energy oozes out, and he’s ready to plough into the next work day.
Why is it, that no matter the determination of the superiors or subordinates, or management momentum, things just move in circles? Whether slow or fast paced, actions are like spokes, around and around, and around yet little takes place. Are hamsters the mascot for bureaucracy?
It’s just an interesting phenomenon and I felt like posting on it. I didn’t come up to any fancy conclusions, or resolutions--just statements. But then again, it’s just another spoke in life.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Dollar Decay $$$ $$ $ $ $ ? ? ?
Remember when you drove your new automobile off the dealer’s lot? A sense of exhilaration, excitement, and the accelerated feeling of being a new car owner! You feel like you’ve been productive (well, except for the three hours of paperwork), and just possibly might conquer the world. It’s a high that lasts a few fleeting minutes, until you discover depreciation. That awful word, which means you just lost an appreciated (pun intended) amount of the worth of your auto, just because you drove it off the lot.
Well, Americans today are hardly ready for the terrible sinking feeling that is going to overcome us, when we realize that the American Dollar is plummeting in value just because we took our eyes off the “lot.” That icon of economic means, stability, and as aptly stated in Resurrect King Dollar, our defense.
Those looking in on America today--be it interested world markets, competitive icons, or just simple neighborhood terrorists—find it hard not to snicker at the apathetic efforts we’ve made in protecting our money. It’s scary to think that in the sense of the American Dollar, we have “driven it off the lot”, down the street, drag-raced, abused, ignored, overused, extended, failed to maintain and upgrade, and basically begun the demise of our prized possession.
Now, we have a responsibility to bring back our appreciation (pun intended) for the dollar, by specifically acknowledging that our very American livelihood depends on our diligence in this election year. We need to do this before inflation, other nations edging the dollar from the global market, and socialists, communists and terrorists stoke the media with the idea that the dwindling $$ equates to America's weakened, defenseless posture.
Do you have an idea on how to make the American Dollar stand TALL again?
Comments, ideas, and American fortitude welcome.
Ref: Resurrect King Dollar
By Lawrence Kudlow
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
See also Some Things Just Need to Be Said and Visit our American Conservative Forum for exhilarating, productive communication to strengthen our America.
Well, Americans today are hardly ready for the terrible sinking feeling that is going to overcome us, when we realize that the American Dollar is plummeting in value just because we took our eyes off the “lot.” That icon of economic means, stability, and as aptly stated in Resurrect King Dollar, our defense.
Those looking in on America today--be it interested world markets, competitive icons, or just simple neighborhood terrorists—find it hard not to snicker at the apathetic efforts we’ve made in protecting our money. It’s scary to think that in the sense of the American Dollar, we have “driven it off the lot”, down the street, drag-raced, abused, ignored, overused, extended, failed to maintain and upgrade, and basically begun the demise of our prized possession.
Now, we have a responsibility to bring back our appreciation (pun intended) for the dollar, by specifically acknowledging that our very American livelihood depends on our diligence in this election year. We need to do this before inflation, other nations edging the dollar from the global market, and socialists, communists and terrorists stoke the media with the idea that the dwindling $$ equates to America's weakened, defenseless posture.
Do you have an idea on how to make the American Dollar stand TALL again?
Comments, ideas, and American fortitude welcome.
Ref: Resurrect King Dollar
By Lawrence Kudlow
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
See also Some Things Just Need to Be Said and Visit our American Conservative Forum for exhilarating, productive communication to strengthen our America.
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